My grandparents recently left after their two-month stay in my hometown. Gramp and I had bonded. He found a table that we dragged home and I began refinishing. I made him sit through both "National Treasure" movies, and he didn't gripe about them too much. I made a special point of getting pizza for the family and including Pepsi (at Grandpa's previous request). Gram has supplied me with a stash of hot pepper (home-dried and crushed), of which Gramp and I are the only ones who partake.
This, compared to all other years, was good. We had two conversations in which he tried forcing his views upon me, but at the end of both of them we agreed congenially to disagree. I wasn't cornered this summer. It was good.
As we said our goodbyes yesterday, Grandpa walked directly toward me with a kindly look in his eyes. Soft. He liked me. He approved of me. This hard, at times legalistic, previously abusive man was finally my loving grandfather.
Hands on my arms, face in front of mine, he said, "If I were a younger man..."
Yes? I smiled, having heard the line from other sweet elderly people.
"I would look for a lady who wears less makeup and lets her God-given beauty shine through."
An excellent parting shot. True to form. His clincher was, "Keep the faith," then he walked to the truck and got in.
All sorts of responses came to me later. "If I were a much older woman I wouldn't _want_ a man like you to look at me..." "You don't deserve my Gram..." "I am _not_ my cousin (who wears no makeup and is inhibitedly conservative)..." "The next time you see me, I'll be wearing so much makeup that I could be confused for a member of KISS..."
The ironic part was that Mom had been put off by something Grandpa had said the night before--and even the day before that and the day before that. He's a crusty, grumpy man around family. Yesterday morning, I had listened to a song that talked about being Jesus to others, and mentioned it to Mom in regard to her frustrations. Despite his rudeness and proclaimed faith, my grandpa needed to be shown Jesus, too. An hour later, did that still apply? A day later, does it still apply?
3 comments:
Was he _really_ saying that you wear too much makeup? Or was he saying something nice? I'm really baffled if he actually did mean something mean, I'm so sorry..... ~B
He just needs a good night of dancing at the bar! -kmf -maybe some karaoke, too.
B--yes, he was saying that. Thanks for hurting with me. :)
Somehow, it was a slam to my Christian womanhood, as well. He's always been thought of as the spiritual patriarch, always been religious, always had a Bible in his hand. When he says you're doing something wrong, you're conditioned to think of it as _God_ saying you're doing something wrong.
This summer, mercifully, I've got enough perspective and experience to come to the conclusion that some people are rude and some people are mean--and some are both...and that I'm related to one.
If you acknowledge that someone is mean, are you forgiving him? Does forgiving mean justifying? "Yes, he was abusive in his younger years, but he was raised by an abusive father. Yes, he's gruff, but he's had to be due to his military experience. Yes, he's adamant about things, but that's because he's so passionate about them..."
If you forgive someone, how close do you let him get the next time?
K--at this point, _I_ could take up dancing at the bar. Karaoke may be stretching it.
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