There have been a few stories in the news lately in which amusement park rides are not good things. One girl lost her leg/foot; another kid actually got decapitated. I think my emotions have been on those same amusement park rides.
Tuesday was a "boo" day, as evidenced by my sorry state of blogging and the long-time-coming need to do so.
Wednesday was a "yay" day since CLE texted me an invitation to join people I like and do things that I like. (How strange the timing, too, that it was something he'd mentioned earlier but hadn't thought to do until that day.)
Thursday was a "yay" since I texted a friend and said "I NEED HUMAN CONTACT" and was obliged quite kindly.
Friday was a "stalled" sort of feeling, with its evening being comprised of "obligatory" socialization--being around people I enjoy, but not in my optimum interactive environment. Still an enjoyable evening.
Saturday contained its social "boos," but it was much easier to deal with them based upon the previous days' interactions. My social tank was full, and I could coast. I also embraced the new form of Yahoo mail and found that my cousin was online. We chatted for an hour (the third time in our lives we've interacted that much), and due to that conversation (and others), I think I'm going to buy a Macbook.
Yesterday was a definite "yay," containing a conversation in which a friend and I moved from teasing to sharing frustrations to, well, my being vindicated from a previous post's "not following through with a responsibility" issue. It was huge, in that one moment, for this friend to volunteer to clear my name.
Kdel and I kayaked after church--our "anniversary voyage," of sorts, since it was two years ago almost to the day that she first got me out on the water. We even found ourselves at the same lake as that original time, and, being smarter, I used sunscreen this time. (My knees and thighs are great, my shoulders are fine, but there is now a definite distinction, highlighted in pink and white, of where my tank top was and was not.)
BH has moved out of town but was back for a bit yesterday afternoon. She connected with me, and I was able to wander around a park with her and her family. Little DDH is almost 11 months old and, though able to totter around, was content with my holding him. I wanted to switch him from my right hip to my left after a bit, but one of his hands was on my shoulder and the other was on my wrist. There was no way I was moving that child; the moment was too special. Despite DDH's adorableness, it was also fantastic to see BH. She's one of those "birthday friends"--the kind who makes you feel special as you reach another milestone in life. She'd brought a present for me, since she knew she wouldn't see me on the actual day. It was an "aww--you remembered" moments that was a definite "yay" on the roller coaster.
CLE informed me of another gathering later that night, and I got to play Mario Kart with "the people." There's only room for four, so controllers get passed around and the guys are quite good at being non-dominant. That's not "non-dominating," because they kick my butt most every time--but at least they share the gaming time. My favorite moments come when the peanut gallery gives input--"If you pull up on the controller, you do a wheelie and go faster. Okay--THERE--do it!" When it works, and I win, I am most delighted and most grateful.
Our host and hostess also have a four-month-old, BabyG. She's becoming more interactive, more attentive. I loved her giddy expressions last night when her aunt leaned down to get close to her face. As L moved in, BabyG just started getting squirmy in eager anticipation of the attention.
If you stand with empty arms for long enough, BabyG's mother will ask if you want to hold her. Of course! Eventually, BabyG dozed in my arms while I watched ARG unlock more features of Mario Kart and listened to the others playing fiercely competitive card games around us. It was perfect. Contentment and companionship.
Today is another stall. The one day a year that a person is allowed to think the world revolves around her, is perhaps also the most depressing when she realizes it doesn't. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I plan to utilize the opportunity to spend it with my parents and grandparents. It seems that there are bubbles of friends--friends who care and friends I hang out with. Spending time with my parents and grandparents means playing cards, and the en vogue game is one in which equal numbers of players are needed. Thus comes the dilemma and the accompanying Smack of Singleness. I have to find that "Number Six." The Friends Who Care are most likely the only ones I can talk to and say, "Hey--do you want to hang out with my parents, grandparents and I?" But the reason they don't fall under the Friends I Hang Out With category is that they're married, out of town, have kids, etc. They are lovingly entangled. On one hand's worth of digits, I can count people who fall into both categories in some amazing way. Of those, only one is in town this week. Of course I extended the invitation to be the coveted "Number Six," but was turned down in a way that made me wonder if the person realized the significance of the day. It's not just any day; it's my birthday; hang around with me; be my friend; let me enjoy your company. It's kind of hard to say that to a person without being whiny, so I'll blog it for the three of you who have actually read to this point.
Last Wednesday really was a huge turning point. It wasn't so much CLE's texted invitation, but the timing of it. God and I had big talks that Tuesday night, and it wasn't until we were straighter that He let CLE into the equation. A few days later, I asked CLE what had prompted his text that day. I'm not sure if I've shared this blog address with him, but I know at least one member of his family has it. Had someone said something? Someone prompted...? CLE said it was just that he had remembered he wanted to include me in events. He said it wasn't anything cosmic or supernatural. So it wasn't a person. It was just the day after I felt more frustrated and lonely than I had in a long time, that he "happened" to reach out. To me, that is "cosmic" and "supernatural." It's the King of the Universe saying, "Hey--I still care about you." And through this past week, I've been able to see that.
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