My Bible study meets in the home of friends who adopted a little boy from Ukraine in the past year. I talked with J at the start of study this evening, and expressed my frustration with work, life, etc. Something's got me tense and unsettled; I'm not sure what. With little M on her lap, J asked me what I can do in my singleness that I couldn't do if I had a family. I couldn't think of anything; I like the idea of being around here and getting settled with a husband and children (preferably my own). Other places interest me, but nothing has been calling.
J directed me to go somewhere--go to another country for a couple weeks. My brain started thinking of the reasons why that wasn't a good idea: monetary expense, safety, direction, not knowing anyone... Sure, maybe I should go somewhere else within the States; maybe if I did that, it would appease the "leave the country" notion.
E joined our group after study and was peppered with questions about E and J's adoption of little M. He mentioned teenage girls who disappear after they grow out of the orphanage; they're taken across the sea by sex traffickers and put to "work" in Turkey.
I wanted to bring them all here--but am not in a feasible place to do that. If only I could go to them...
If only what?
The more I thought of it, the more the idea made sense--and scared me. E and J have connections in Ukraine. My friend EMo teaches at a Christian school there. I brought the idea up to J, and she knows someone who leads English language camps; as a graduate with an English major, this is a good option.
My breathing gets more rapid, and I feel like I often do when I'm in a vehicle with other people--panicked.
But something inside me has always wanted to work at an orphanage...and EMo has also said that people are needed to just hold babies in the orphanages. Is this how God will do it? Stir me up from my comfort zone, yet fulfill my need to nurture (without compensating for my only-childness by having octuplets plus six)?
I graduate with my master's degree in May.
I'm on a 12-month pay plan for work.
Oh, God...is this the desire of my heart?
2 comments:
This will be life-altering, if nothing else comes of it. Keep the job if you have to, but take the summer and get something done for yourself.
Time for a walkabout in the Ukraine maybe?
It's a completely different mindset, but I may head to the Hills this summer instead.
Know how it is when you just don't have _peace_ about something? There are no obvious drawbacks to the matter, but something is still unsettling? That's how I feel about Ukraine--at least for this summer. It's interesting to have that idea out there, though. And it may take more than just a few months to wrangle up readiness for!
Thanks for the encouragement on this, E. It _is_ something I have passion about!
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