Note to Self

This morning was another of those disappointing, disillusioned, disenfranchised, disengaged times. Really not so happy. So after church, I drove, vented to God, cried, drove, vented, cried...

My fingers wanted to surf the radio stations, but I couldn't bring myself to lift my hand for it. The station playing was one of the locally-accessible Christian ones, and inside my spirit, I knew I needed it.

As I drove (and cried...and drove...and cried...not a good combination, really...), I appreciated that the station was playing songs that dealt with loneliness and crying out to God. I wasn't in a praising mood, but the reaching bit fit very well.

One farm I passed had a small herd of sheep trotting about in its pasture. On the other side of a fence was a lone donkey, and my heart went out to it. "I feel your pain, man," I thought.

A donkey? I'm a Christian, and I identify more with a donkey than with sheep?

Last week, a friend gave me directions for a shortcut from her town to mine. "You turn at the corner where there's a white house, and there are horses and cows next to it."

A white house? Horses and cows? I laughed at her for saying something akin to, "Turn at the corner with the stop sign--the one with white letters and a white border around it."

Through this morning's tears, the cattle and horses I saw were no surprise--but the numbers of sheep were. What _are_ You trying to say? I wondered.

The songs on the radio changed to ones reminding me of Who He is. One song I hadn't heard before proclaimed that He made all things glorious, and He made me--so what does that mean? Just kind of puts you in the palm of His hand.

I got the lesson, I laughed as I neared town. We all like sheep have gone astray... You are the Good Shepherd... And then I saw another donkey. (Really--I didn't think we had donkeys around here.) Two miles from town, and this was to be my last bit of symbolism? Oh, please, God, show me more sheep!

And a quarter mile down the highway, I saw little bits of dirty wool trotting around--waiting to be fed by their master.

Moral of the entry: Don't be an ass; follow the Shepherd.