A Changing of the Guard

It feels as though I've been sitting in a little, mental hole for the past few days. I left a friend's birthday gathering because I didn't feel like competing for attention, and I didn't feel like giving it, either.

Friends would call, and I would ignore the buzzing phone. Didn't feel like responding chipperly, and couldn't explain why not. Really didn't care to listen.

For as small-town as things are around here, I find it ironic that perhaps I'm lacking continuity. Maybe that's why I'm so in love with Stan's big, Irish family. Odds are that if you really need someone, one of them can be found and will help with what's needed--even if just a hug and adoration from a 10-year-old. Even if you ask something and get a loud and negative response, you still know you belong.

The thing is, I'm not part of a family like that. My friends here have become my family, and I've been incredibly blessed through them. But with much blessing can come much loss. Stan and his brother Ed are moving. So is one of my B best friends. HA is moving to China. Ra is moving half the country away to be courted by the fiancee she met on E-harmony. D has her first grandson, who rightfully should take up most of her spare time. I miss my people, already.

Reminiscent of a little Job complex here--to be blessed with so much, then question God as to why the blessings are being removed. The thing is, Job didn't--even when sorely tempted--"curse God and die." I realized I've been mad at God during the past few days, but I still found myself worshipping Him at church yesterday morning and last night. He's still there; He's still here.

Driving my little 90-something-year-old friend to church yesterday morning, I listened as she out-of-the-blue told me about a man who had lost his wife and four children. He went on to write hymns, she said. At the corner of Orchard and 17th, she looked over at me. *Praise hymns!* How ironic that I should remember that as I sit here tonight, incredibly grateful for Puffs Plus.

Praise hymns. I don't know that I'm that far yet, but the Psalmist's words are running through my mind: "I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food

day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude,

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and 6 my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers

have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,

at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.