Guess I Needed That Stud Finder After All

My Bible study had our White Elephant Christmas Party last week. I drew first, and got a studfinder. Handy. And on the back was a picture of one of our guys. He's not the most "ladies' man" as far as descriptions go, which made his gall even funnier. One of the other members of our group "stole" the gift, but I was later able to "steal" it back.

"What do you need a studfinder for?" someone asked. "You've already got your stud!"

As it's turned out in the past few days, I don't.

I lose Gimli, I lose one of my best friends, and I lose my favorite boyfriend ever.

I am...a loser.

Maybe God's working on me with a pride issue. I lose face, along with the guy. How do I explain my newly reacquired singleness after four and a half months of amazing compatibility? How do I tell everyone who thought we would get married that...I wasn't enough for him? That he couldn't make a committment to me, so he decided to walk away before he took my heart in further?

What...is wrong...with me?

My pastor mentioned "young women in love" this morning, and what he hears sometimes at premarital counseling. He'll ask, "Why do you want to marry him?" and a woman will respond with, "He completes me," "He makes me happy," etc. The pastor winces. He won't always make you happy; he can't complete you.

As the pastor talked about that, I assessed my relationship with Gimli. He has made me happy...but moreso, I liked who he is. I liked his trustworthiness, generosity, protectiveness, easy-goingness... I liked his godliness and his striving toward a closer relationship with the King. I liked who I was when I was around him.

The pastor then said that one point of marriage is to grow in the Lord--*And,* he laughed, *to learn to love unconditionally--even when that person doesn't seem lovable!*

And I...had gotten some of that, in my time with Gimli. I could commit to making it work.

But he...can't.