No, Wait--There's More!

We had parent-teacher conferences a couple of weeks ago. One mother dropped in with her son.

*This is his worst class. He's clearly not understanding the material on the quizzes. Can you give him something to help with that?*

I looked at the kid, who dropped himself into one of my comfy chairs and slouched there. *What about your notes?*

*Well, you go too fast...* he started. *And when I try to hurry up, I can't read my handwriting...*

Not an excuse. *Where can you go to get another copy of those notes?*

"Your website..." he mumbled.

*Well, what's this with these participation points?* the mother asked next.

*He lost those when he was sent into the hallway.*

*How do they get sent into the hallway?*

*If they're being a distraction in class...*

*So, to keep their participation points, they just need to sit there and not say anything?*

I got what she was implying: do nothing, and that counts as good participation. No. Be cooperative; don't be a dink.

I mentioned her son's proclivity toward talking to others, one student in particular.

*Well can you move them, so they're not sitting near each other?*

*T sits in the front of the room,* I told her, *and A's at the back. These kids talk all across the room!*

Then she asked why he was doing so poorly in my class. (His grade was a 69%, which, I believe, is substantially better than it was the previous year.) We didn't talk about his four late assignments, which I took past the due date. We didn't talk about the quiz he hadn't retaken though I'd given him the option and a personal reminder. I'm not in his other classes with him, so I turned to the kid. *Why are you doing more poorly here?* He shrugged. Conversation rotated then came back to the same dialogue: mother, me, kid. He still didn't know what made the difference.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best time to bring up putting her kid back on ADHD meds. But he'd been on them last year, and I appreciated that time. The kid learned, as did those around him. I'd called her about it in the springtime, but hadn't heard back. The issue kept coming up in team time with my colleagues, and the mom was in my room, so...

It did not go over well.

*Miss X [homeroom teacher] said he's doing better, and all his other teachers say he's doing well, so no. Meds are not an option.* There was a bit more blustering in there, including a line of, *His grades are...mostly okay in most of his classes, so, no.*

It was one of those cases in which I stood back and shrugged as minimaly as I could physically, but a whole darn lot facially. Big eyes. Not scared, but "you're the boss; this is in your hands" eyes.

I had another scheduled conference, so she left. She did control herself well throughout our talk; I could tell she was much more frustrated than she verbalized.

Later, I mentioned the incident to others on the team. Miss X said the kid had been better for her recently--and as teachers, we want to stress the positive--the hope for the future. Apparently, that was all the mom went away with. The other teachers were shocked. He's not doing well for them at all. They've since gotten emails from the mom, wondering how they can help her kid.

A few days ago, I talked to a friend who's also a local. She knows others who have been in this area their entire lives. She mentioned an old classmate of ours and how that classmate has a friend with kids in my school system. The mom is apparently out drinking numerous nights a week and is making some rather non-parental decisions.

Ironic, isn't it, that this lady's name is the same as my student's mother's?