The funny part is that...I didn't know I was dating anyone... Before there's a relationship to end, you'd think the guy would know the girl's last name, and have had at least one phone conversation with her...
In one of my emails from the past three weeks of communication with a match, I mentioned going to a bar with a coworker who had asked me to join her at least seven times already. I want to cultivate a friendship with her, and accepting someone's invitation seems a progressive way of doing that. The match then asked my thoughts on drinking and on dancing. I told him that I choose to not drink, and that, as a member of my church, I'm also committed to not drinking. Some people can drink quite nicely, and others can't. I wouldn't be comfortable if my significant other chose to drink on occasion, but it wouldn't be a hill I'd be willing to die on, either.
I wouldn't initiate going to a bar with a friend (despite our lack of alternative entertainment in a small town), and it's not the sort of environment I would choose to spend time in, but I don't have a problem with crossing the threshold.
As far as dancing goes, I'm so uncoordinated that only slow dancing works for me. Due to its nature, I would only want to engage in said activity with someone I was very comfortable with and probably somewhat interested in. Based on P's previous comments (in our three weeks of communication), I knew he was conservative but wanted to make sure he wasn't rigidly so. I mentioned that, yes, dancing can bring up thoughts that are not conducive to purity, but so can words and photographs. Should we shun those things as well?
Somehow, out of all of that, the only thing he understood is that I don't have a problem going to a bar with a coworker. He wrote that he wouldn't want to be in a relationship or marriage in which his wife went to bars or went out dancing. What if we went to a bar and someone else asked me to dance?
Oh, for pity's sake...really? I'm monogamous even in my crushes (generally). There is no way I would go dance with some random stranger and leave my boyfriend/husband spinning around on a little stool!
He flipped the scenario--what if he were the one at the bar, and someone hit on him, flirted with him, encouraged him to drink? How would that make me feel? A) I'd expect it. B) Where does personal responsibility come in? I expect to be in a relationship with someone I can trust to hang out with a coworker at a bar and not succumb to flirtatious whims. I would hope he would expect he were getting the same in me.
I was amused by his "drawing the line" and saying that things were over between us if I didn't subscribe to the idea of never setting foot in a bar and never getting jiggy with it. Now, though, I'm just ticked off. When I am in a relationship, I want it to be with someone who respects my integrity--and probably even knows my last name.
5 comments:
Gettin' jiggy with it.... He doesn't know what he's missin'! ;) ~B
One of the best times that can be had: going to a wedding, having exactly two drinks, and then dancing with good friends and making a fool of yourself in ways you will never ever ever ever again. It's the only time it actually feels right doing the Saturday Night Fever move.
It would be a slow sort of jiggy for me, but, you know, that could be fun, too!
And E, it's _never_ right to do the Saturday Night Fever move! Well, I take that back. You, of all people, can pull it off!
Wow, well it sounds like a good thing you got out of that one. You wouldn't want to be with someone who was controlling! You have really sound positive beliefs, trust your instincts! :o)
Thanks for the refresher, Kath! :)
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