While her boyfriend (loved by adults and children alike) was out of town, she met another guy.
She broke up with her boyfriend and started dating the other guy.
They broke up a few months later, and he had sex with someone else. This probably isn't as huge for most people, but in my Christian circles, we take premarital abstinence rather seriously. And the "break" was a month or less.
They got back together.
A few months later, she called me in tears. They were on another break. She told me that he had confronted her about something she and I had talked about. How did he know we had talked about it? She had asked him, that, too, and he said I must have told someone else, who told him. Who told him that, I asked? M said he couldn't tell her. Wrong answer. I hadn't told a soul. Then she told me that a few of her new emails had been read before she had gotten to them. Does he know your password? Yes. She also mentioned that he had pushed her down on the couch during an argument. He what? Get out; stay out; move along. He treats you this way during the sucking up stage? What comes when he's no longer trying to impress you?
They got back together. I told her my concerns. She told me she only tells me the bad things about him, because she wants someone to sympathize with her. Honey, there were enough bad things for you to get out. She told me she wasn't perfect; she had antagonized him. Oh, well, then, it's okay for him to be a jerk as long as you were a jerk, too. That makes excellent grounds for a relationship...
We had some technical difficulties at church one Sunday morning, and I mentioned them to M in passing. She said that her boyfriend works with computers for a living; maybe he could help. Sure; I ushered him in and ran off on another assignment. When I returned, he was standing back and watching others fiddle with the equipment. With time to breathe, I asked M for an update since she was observing. She said that the others seemed to be handling things well, so the boyfriend probably wasn't needed. We started catching up on life things, and the boyfriend stalked off. Mid-conversation, I asked if she needed to go. She shrugged apologetically, we said goodbye, and she ran to catch her ride home. I watched them in the hallway; he didn't turn to acknowledge her when she caught up to him.
When she told me she was getting married, she asked me to be in her wedding. She said she knew I'd had reservations; how was I feeling about things? I told her I was still cautious, but supported her as my friend. We went wedding dress shopping with her future sisters-in-law and her mother.
From the moment I first shook hands with the guy, he seemed cold. He's nice looking, but not at all attractive--because of the lack of warmth. There was no appreciation of me as his girlfriend's (at the time) friend; merely someone he had no interest or investment in.
A couple of months ago, my mom came to church with me. I saw M, she saw Mom, and was excited to introduce her to her fiancee. (M had met Mom before she met me.) When I next saw them, Mom was walking down the hallway with M. Later, Mom told me she had told M of her concerns about the relationship.
M called that evening, but I didn't get her message to call back until 10:30. The next day was a holiday; I could do it then.
The next morning, I got another message. "If you feel the way your mom does, then I'll just relieve you of the obligation of having to be in my wedding. I wouldn't want you to have to support me in something you don't believe in."
Huh.
Nothing had changed since the day she asked me to be in her wedding and I voiced my reservations about the guy. My mom probably said similar things to her that Sunday...and somehow, that was too much?
I mentioned the message to Mom, and she said she'd call M. She did, and got voicemail. She asked M to call her, but M never did.
I'm not sure if the ball was back in my court yet. M made a decision about me based on something Mom said, then didn't respond to Mom...so...?
The day before M's wedding, I texted her. "I miss you! I didn't get a chance to respond after your first message, then didn't know what to say after the second one. Still don't. But know that you're missed!" No response.
The wedding went off the next day with, unfortunately, a hitch.
Today was the first day I saw her in church since then. I saw enough of her to recognize that she wasn't looking at me, so I kept my eyes and face blank and kept moving. I still wonder if that was juvenile of me, but when someone says goodbye, your response options are limited.
Goodbye, M. I hope he's not as much of a jerk as you told me he was.
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