Goals

I stopped setting goals, mostly because I didn't follow through with them. For a while, I prided myself on "staying flexible," but I see how that's a cop-out--and I see how I respect people who do set and follow through with goals. I want to be worthy of their company.

I miss clothes that fit; I miss not having to dress according to which combination of bottoms and tops minimize the muffin top effect. I just want to put cute clothes on and look cute.

The last time I went to my doctor, he checked my blood sugar (which had raised a red flag at a wellness screening at work the year before) and said I needed to cut down on sugars. Do you know how many things sugars are in? I like sweet stuff, so I tried to work around the pop and sugary cereal angle. How about if I add honey? That contains sugars. Well, what about fruit? Sugars. ARRRGH! Bread, too, apparently contains sugars. That's my favorite food group! However, my mom as adult onset diabetes, and I have a friend whose dad died from complications of diabetes. He said it was awful to watch his dad, and his shudder stuck with me.

The doctor also said I could lose 10 pounds and be healthier.

Okay. Granted, that was in...November. I was busy. And then I was recuperating from being busy. And then I got dumped. You'd think pre-summer would be the time to shape up, but, again, I wasn't into goal-setting. As springtime set in, I realized I'd have all summer to work on being a healthier me. Hanging out at my apartment doesn't do much for self-discipline in regard to food and exercise, but having time alone with myself to think does. Last week, I bought a bathroom scale. This week, I downloaded a couple free apps for my iPod. One is a pedometer, and the other is a calorie/exercise tracker. Oh, goodness.

I've checked out my weight and height, and realized that I could lose 20 pounds and still be healthy. So that's my goal in my calorie tracker--1 1/2 pounds per week to be shed, and down 20 pounds by mid-September. It's horrid, though, how quickly I run out of my daily allotted calories. I know that starving myself to reach that goal would not be healthy, would not be possible, and would earn me the wrath of a friend who's struggled with an eating disorder and is now very outspoken about it. So I'll endeavor to be wise about my caloric intake, and counter the past-my-allotted-calories issue with exercise--again, not fanatical, but rational.

What's most interesting about the calorie tracker is its metacognition parallel. Metacognition is "thinking about what you're thinking about." I'm not sure what that word would be in regard to calories, but it's pretty eye-opening to record what goes in and see its carb/protein/fiber/sugar breakdown. "Did I really eat that?" "Do I want to eat that again?" "I'm going to have to spend how long on the elliptical to counter that thing?"

The Purpose of Summer

I really, really wanted to be a foster parent for infants this summer. But I didn't get the go-ahead from God--and without His blessing, well...I've done things without His blessing before. They haven't been blessed. So I didn't.

I thought of a few places I could get "easy" jobs--breakfast hostess at a local hotel, like a friend did one summer. Early mornings (ugh), being friendly to out-of-towners, then going home and back to bed--and getting a little bit of pay. Didn't feel called to that, either. [Sigh.]

What, then, God?

I figured for a while that the plan was for me to use my talents--enhance what I've been given. But today, as I try to phrase that, I realize I've been given the opportunity to create. I've got a lovely little garden growing in planters on my balcony. There's a hassock full of beading supplies at my feet. The bread machine I inherited from my 90+ year old friend (which sat in my storage unit for five years) and the slow cooker I got at a garage sale have been employed at least weekly. I delight in God as Creator, and I've been given this time and these resources to follow His example--maybe not in creating man and animals, but in creating things that are good. For a while, I've been stifled by my reactionary tendencies; but here in this quiet, there is life.